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This blog is about whatever the hell I want it to be. Which is mostly movies, comics, videogames and literature for the most part.

Occasionally it is funny.

Enjoy

Monday, April 25, 2011

Todays talk: Things I've heard in the backround

I have been keeping a little log of weird stuff I've heard in the background of customers phone calls and I thought it'd make a good blag post.

Keep in mind that sometimes I'm actually paying attention to the people I'm talking to so there may be gaps in certain sentences.

"Well just fuck her!"

"...seven times bigger than Hiroshima."

In my log I just put "most horrendous noise ever." If this event is the one I'm thinking of it sounded like a pig and a cat being fed through a wood chipper.

The first voice is a very nasally sounding woman and the second voice is James Earl Jones.


Imagine this man when you read line #2.

1. "...times you have to just shove it in."
2. "That could break it. You really got to be gentle with--"
1. "I don't care! I just want to be done with it."
Pause. There is a bang.
2. "Whelp. Now it's dead."

"That's it!" Gunfire. The man I was speaking to did not acknowledge this in any way.

"...crotch itches. Don't go near her, man."

1. "I SWEAR IF YOU--"
2. "Who wants Icecream?!"

People fucking. I think the guy was wanking it while he was on the phone with me, which is a whole new experience, for me, let me tell you.

"KHAAAAAAAAAAAN!" I laughed, and the guy I was speaking to didn't understand.


"... goddamned Paula Dean."

"For the love of GOD--" static. "--or I swear to God I will murder everyone in this room!"

1. "We're out of--" I think the word is "doughnuts" but I can't be sure.
2. "No!"
3. Roger Rabbit's Voice. "A cataphphphphtrophy!"


From here on out whenever there is phone static or it cuts out I'll just put (blank).

"Goddamned (blank) got caught in the (blank) sometimes (blank) rabbits ass."

"Don't put it (BLAM!) there!"

This one time I was having a normal conversation with this guy when horrendous screaming started in the background. The guy didn't even acknowledge it and kept asking me for sheet metal.

This guy was talking to me on his cell phone and I got to hear the first part of his conversation with the police officer who pulled him over. Apparently he didn't have his tags.

"Stop getting blood everywhere! You're like mah wife when she's on the rag." (NOT making this up.)

"...and that's when the cops showed up."

"...and that's when the wife stepped in."

"...and that's when the ex stepped in."

"I can't believe it's not... not... well I dunno what the hell it is."

And that's about it for now.

-McK

1 comment:

  1. Wow. Sometimes you just have to pray there's a movie playing in the background.

    ReplyDelete