Today's talk: Death in comics

I've been meaning to write a blag post for the last two weeks but every time I sit down to write, I am fraught with the most horrible affliction a writer can dream of: not knowing what to write.

So, once again I pull inspiration from my ass from my emails with friends and I will talk about comics.

Basically the point of today's talk is that in the comic world, death is never permanent. And because death is never permanent you can't really feel fear for the people you're rooting for and you can't really get involved with the characters, which is a benchmark of good storytelling.

Back when I was a lad just getting into fantasy, I was reading some of R.A. Salvator's Drizzt books where Wulfgar dies. Wulfgar was my favorite character (aside from Drizzt but come on who didn't like Drizzt if you were a teenager and reading those books?). He was so awesome and big and strong and he had a magic hammer and he punched a frost giant in the face and he was so cool. But I hadn't yet learned the rules of serial publications so I thought he was actually dead for good (he was brought back like, two books later).

Completely Badass.

I got so mad! It was the first (of many[I'm looking at you, George R.R. Martin]) books I threw in anger and I believe there's still a dent in the wall at my parents house.

But that was good storytelling...until he fucked up and brought him back. But before that, I felt raw emotion at one of my beloved heroes meeting an untimely end.

How many times has Wolverine died? Magneto? Captain America? Spider-Man? Jean Fucking Gray? I swear, I think Jean and Logan are having a contest to see how many times they can make the X-Men think they're dead. I dunno how Jean keeps up with Logan. I mean, his power practically makes him immortal (do you disagree? Find the comic where he hunts down Nitro after the Stamford thing. Nitro vaporizes everything but Logan's skeleton but he comes back within minutes) so it makes sense when he "comes back from the dead."

So back in 2007 when the Civil War came out, Captain A gets "killed." By a sniper and his fucked up girlfriend.

There are better ways to break up with someone.

REALLY?

A sniper?!

Captain America is a guy who has beat the everloving crap out of almost every super villain he has gone up against. Among them is a villain known as Bullseye. What's Bullseye's power? He doesn't miss. That's his one thing. If he shoots at you, he hits what he's aiming at. It's what he does. Captain America somehow lived through it without being shot full of holes.

He's also super strong, super resistant to damage, heals quickly (not as quick as Wolverine but quick), and he was wearing his BULLET-PROOF-ARMOR AT THE TIME.

"Oh, but McK, most sniper bullets can pierce any body armor--"

The sniper bullet wasn't what killed him.

It was the three bullets in the stomach that were put there by his fucked up girlfriend who was hypnotized by a villain disguised as a SHIELD psychiatrist. The bullets were fired from a handgun, no where near as strong as a sniper rifle or any of the automatic rifles Cap goes up against all the damned time, or even Deathstrikes claws.

I should note that shortly after this, Captain A is back in the fight like nothing happened.

Four MEASLY bullets? What? Five comics before his "death" Captain A went up against Ironman and got the ever loving shit beat out of him. Ironman is essentially a walking suit of adamentium (I could be spelling that wrong, my spellcheck isn't helping), able to fly through buildings without getting a scratch, lift huge masses, can fly mach 15, SHOOTS LASERS (or "repulsar rays" for you fanboys), and is basically a walking death machine. Cap SURVIVES.

Where am I going with this rant? You might have noticed that I keep putting Cap's "death" in quotes. It's because (and I have several people who will verify this) that right when Cap died, I got frustrated, quickly reigned in my emotions and said to all who would listen, "He'll be back in a year."

I was half right in that it took Marvel two years to bring him back.

But, there's my point! I didn't give a shit that Captain A was dead, because I knew he wouldn't stay dead. There was no emotional tie to his death because hey, he's not dead. Not really.

I can only think of ONE person to die in comics and stay dead, other then Goliath (and I may be proven wrong about him) and that was Gwen Stacy.

I still get teary.

For those of you who are not total nerds like myself, Gwen Stacy was Peter Parker's first love. First. FIRST. Forget what the movies say, Gwen was there FIRST.

Anyway, if you ARE like me and a total nerd you know that the only purpose of the Green Goblin is to totally fuck with Peter's head. So naturally GG kidnaps Gwen and tosses her off a suspension bridge in front of Peter, and Peter makes a mistake that get's Gwen killed.

Gwen is still dead, by the way.

She hasn't come back.

By my count Mary-Jane Watson has died about 3 times and was erased twice. I may have fudged the figures there.

Even Aunt May has died a few times.

My point is this: The Gwen comic was great. It is still regarded as a turning point of the entire genre. I read that comic and fucking blubbered because 1. Gwen was pretty cool but more importantly 2. PETER WOULD GO BATSHIT (he did, it was rad).

I don't think I need to beat the horse anymore. What I am trying to say is that comics need to stop worrying about what the fans want and just write good fiction, because that's what sells.

-McK