The Legal system.

I was a bad boy.

Well, I guess that should be "I am a bad boy."

This is a story about my adventures with the legal system.

In January I was pulled over for not wearing my seatbelt. At the time I had not renewed my registration or my drivers license BUT I was told by the lady at the DMV that my permit for Motorcycles was good for regular old cars too. I asked this specifically because I wanted to know if I should renew my driver's license while I was there but since I was trying to get the license where I can drive both, did the permit act like that as well. She said yes.

The police disagreed.

I paid the fines and went to the court house for my arraignment. They told me to come back in goddamn March.

March comes along and I've almost forgotten about my court date but at the last minute (the night before) I remember and make plans.

I misread the form and arrived late.

They issued something called a "Bench Warrant" on my ass. I think what that means is that if they pull you over they're warranted to beat you with a bench.

Yes, I am terrified.

So when I show up and am informed of this I rationally ask that, since I'm there, can I not be beaten with a bench and just do what's needed? I have my driver's license and registration now (both done on the SAME DAY as the ticket).

The articulate and handsome sheriff of course told me to go fuck myself.

...

Okay, he didn't say that (but he was handsome and articulate, if really short). What he did tell me was "No." He went on to tell me to come back tomorrow (now today) at 8:30 AM and get it sorted out. Also, try to avoid getting arrested as there was a warrant on me.

So I stayed home from work for the rest of the day, fearing police/sheriff's armed with benches.

Today I get up bright and chipper¹ to go and handle this. All I want is to give them money, have them shake their finger at me and let me leave with no strings attached like the threat of being beaten with a bench.

I go into the courtroom after waiting 20 minutes because today I am punctual goddamnit and after waiting another hour while we go through the court routine, I finally have an opportunity to ask the bailiff about my case and he says, and I quote:

"I didn't tell you to get a Walk-In Pass? Go down the hall and get one and we'll get to you shortly."

So, calm and in control² I walk down the hall and stand in line for another 30 minutes to be informed that there is no more room left in the court room and to come back tomorrow. I asked about the bench³ warrant and I am informed that yes it is in effect and try not to get pulled over because it will be your ass.

So, tomorrow I have to get up before I go to sleep early and go to the courthouse again, wait in line and get a walk-in slip, then wait in line so I can have a judge shake her finger at me and hopefully get fined.

And hope I don't get arrested.

-McK