My emails are better than my blogs, apparently.

I wrote an email to my friends about how messed up I found something and showed it to my brother because it was funny. After reading it he immediately said "YOU SHOULD PUT THAT ON YOUR BLOG OMGBBQ."

The subject of the email was; "Serious, what the fuck?"

So the best book I have read ever was World War Z. Not only was it a good story, but the writing was fucking amazing. The craft, I mean. The guy knew how to write, how to make you tense even though you know the person telling the story is TELLING THE STORY. This is from the guy who wrote the "Zombie Survival Guide." What the hell.

Now I'm reading John Dies at the End and I'm being schooled AGAIN. This guy is a good writer, a guy who works for Cracked.com! This should be funny and stuff, but I shouldn't be studying it now to see how I can improve MY writing! I just read the best descriptive paragraph I have ever read. I am going to put it here for you.

"Imagine fifty thousand men trapped on a desert island, deprived of food and water and sex but somehow kept alive for fifty thousand years. Then, after they've been tormented a hundred steps beyond insanity, tortured past self-mutilation and cannibalism, somebody drops off a sculpture of a naked woman made from T-bone steaks. If you could then capture the sound of them simultaneously fucking and eating and tearing her to shreds and broadcast it into the center of your skull at ten thousand watts, it would still sound absolutely nothing like what I heard."

I had to stop reading at that point. I had to stop and go "Wow, that really, really paints a picture. I mean, I make similes about over-boiling macaroni. I need to step up my fucking game."

So the point of all this is that the guys who are really, really good are not the guys writing the epics, not your Robert Jordans or your Terry Pratchets, but some asshole who can say fuck in his book but still communicate so well that you have to stop and write an email to your friends because you're fucking flabbergasted.

Jess, this book is right up your alley. I would say it was written for you. Horror/comedy.

Le Artiste, you can judge if you want to read it by the paragraph above.

Binah, you must read it for the dick jokes.

Also, I didn't want to read it at first because I don't read horror. I don't get scared by media in any form (aside from the Mothman Prophecies and that is only because HEEP ARDVAARK MOOF). But even though the scary parts don't scare me and all that kind of stuff, it's still an awesome read and I'm not even a third through yet.

Shutting up now.